Know, like & Twitter

The secret of Internet relationships is based on the oft-stated principle of “know, like and trust.” Call me cold and uncaring, but some of the friendly people reaching out to me have not pierced my antisocial shell. I do not know or like them, and I certainly have no reason to trust them.

Twitter is especially fun for illustrating what a grump I have become because the messages I receive, called “tweets,” can be shown in full here for ready analysis.

Let’s backspace

First, a brief explanation of Twitter for those not already signed up. It’s a form of microblogging, so called because each message is limited to 140 characters (including spaces). Go to, sign yourself up, click on some people to follow and stand back. What spews forth is a roll of electronic toilet paper—when the loose end has been given a sharp tug. Conveniently, the s**t is already attached.

How am I qualified to evaluate Twitter? you may ask. I did my first Tweet on December 31, 2008. In resumé years, that’s one year of experience (2009 minus 2008). Not shabby compared to Twitterers in general.

Now for some representative tweets

Going to grocery to buy 8 ounces of sliced turkey and quart of 2% milk. Will stop at dry cleaner on the way home.

Twitter clearly instructs us to answer the question, “What are you doing?” So you have to respect people who know how to follow directions. Sadly, most of us are wandering off topic.

You did what? OMG! I can’t believe it. Don’t they arrest people for that?!?! LOL.

Some people assume everyone is following both sides of their conversation as they blast tweets to thousands rather than only to the “you” addressed. So here I am, awake all night contemplating what you may have done. I’m sure you should be arrested but our society has become entirely too permissive.

“night all. Totally zonked. Turning in. Catch you tomorrow.

Thanks for the update. I’ll be right over to tuck you in.

Life coach extraordinaire Shannon Wilkinson listened to me gripe the other day as she helped me figure out Tweetdeck, an online tool to using Twitter more effectively. Then she said, “Having a sip of water.”

I thought she was pausing in her phone instructions to sip water.

But no, she was suggesting a tweet message I could send out now that I was in full Twitter mode.

We laughed a lot but you had to be there to see how funny it was. Maybe it was so funny because it was getting late and I was getting tired.

Anyway, it’s getting late here and I’m totally zonked. I’m going to sign off shortly. As soon as I drink a sip of water.

Twitter as a brick in my marketing edifice

Now you know I am twitterific (actually, I stole that word from a real Twitter application). Or to put it in more common marketing terms, I’m on my way to being known, liked and trusted.

So go ahead and tweet me a million dollar assignment. I’ll be back in a moment, hydrated and ready to cash in.


5 responses to “Know, like & Twitter

  1. Pingback: Topics about Humoristic and Funny stuff » Archive » Know, like #038; Twitter

  2. Not knowing exactly what it was, I tried Twitter a couple months ago. Hated everything about it, including the sudden deluge of spam from “friendly women” and for discount Viagra. When I tried to delete my account, the delete function didn’t work so I had to “fool” the login function to get myself out.

    This bird doesn’t tweet!

  3. Hi, Michele, that’s interesting because I haven’t had the same experience–so far.

    I’m being followed by people who have posted as few as zero tweets, yet some of them are following relatively large numbers of people. Don’t understand how they found me because my Twitter presence is still minor. I’m not sure if this is a problem, but it’s kind of puzzling.

  4. I’ve recently joined twitter, but not so that I could hear about other people’s run-of-the-mill daily activities. That sounds like an ingenious method of population control: bore thousands to death with one Tweet! But if one chose to ignore the inane instructions to write what one is doing at the moment, one could have fun with trying to pare down something important or entertaining to 140 characters. Exhibit A in that category is the book, Twitterature, written by the two UC students who Tweeted the classics. Anyway, I’m going to give it a try, but I won’t be writing about what I had for breakfast unless I’ve just eaten a Martian.

  5. Joen,

    Sadly, so many people are using Twitter to push product aggressively (especially how to get rich quickly) that the day-to-day minutiae of life is starting to seem more personal in comparison. I’ve gotta check out Twitterature. What a fun idea!


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