California dreaming: effective marketing is in the name

It’s colder here than a well digger’s belt buckle, as my eighth grade science teacher used to say. That’s typical here in Chicagoland but I live here despite the weather.

When I hear a brand name incorporating “California” or “L.A.,” I sit up and listen. I assume the employees know what they are talking about. After all, anyone who resides in the CA sun must be more clever than me (or perhaps their parents were).

So here I am driving to Jazzercise class in the bitter cold, warming my fingers by the heating vents when I’m not grabbing the steering wheel to rescue myself from unexpected sliding. All of a sudden, I hear a radio ad for California Psychics.

As soon as I hear the word “California” I am sold, but wait, the story gets better. “These psychics are so sharp,” imply the happy customers.

One man knew his psychic was right on the money because she told him he will have a successful career. And a woman was elated at the end of her phone session because she felt so understood.

My psychic talents

I think I have a certain bent for being a psychic. Even without seeing you in person, I know you had better be more exacting with your tax records because you are ripe for an IRS audit.

And I have even more confidence in my premonition that you will die. (I’m not revealing the exact date because that’s such a downer.)

On second thought, it’s not enough to be right—I’d better be more upbeat if I want to turn my talent into a profitable business.

Let’s try again. I can tell that you are a sensitive soul. You want to bring love into your life. And you want your work to make a positive impact.

Am I right? Bet you weren’t expecting to feel so understood from our e-relationship.

Pleased to help you

I know you want to thank me so let me say right now, “You’re welcome.” I do it simply for the pleasure of helping others, but if you insist on sending me a check, I’ve been blessed with openness to receiving.

By the way, turns out my exercise class was cancelled on account of snow. My wasted snow scraping and driving are no reflection on my psychic talents, which are focused only on the big issues in life.

Meanwhile, I’ve got another hot idea. I’ll change my business name to make it more marketable! How about StandUp8TimesInCalifornia?

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